Evagrius Ponticus wrote, "Often in prayers I kept asking God for what I thought was good. I repeatedly made personal requests, unreasonably coercing God. I was not able to trust God's providence to work things out for my best interests. When I got what I sought, I was sorry I had insisted on my own desires. Things did not turn out as I had imagined." [from By Way of the Desert, by Bernard Bangley, p. 356]
I'm somewhere in Evagrius' quote, even if I can't name what I've gotten that I've sought, but certinly things have not turned out as I had imagined.
No joke, my advent prayer has been, "What do you want?"
I discern no explicit answer, but I'm reminded of how my spiritual director doesn't particularly value the word "progress," but rather wathes for "movement."
The prayer itself is movement.
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