Saturday, December 5, 2015
In other words, it was your basic late-30s epistemological crisis.
It was an odd time, in some ways. I tried to stop going to church (failed) and tried not to think about everything in theological terms. Occasionally, I'd find myself somewhat passionately making some point about one religious topic or another and afterward say to myself, "Huh, I guess I still believe that."
Over the years, I've re-built my theology, not exactly a systematic theology, but a theology that remains recognizably Christian, built it back up by what I myself saw or experienced as much by what I'd been taught in church, Sunday school, and seminary.
" . . . we walk by faith, not by sight"
So many of us want to say, "I'll believe it when I see it." I will say I've seen my share of things that lead me to believe in God, in Jesus, in the whole Trinitarian kit and kaboodle. But I admit there are gaps I fill in, mostly by faith, by choosing to believe.
I do think that it is important to not take everything on faith, to not believe easily. Test everything. I don't walk around blindfolded. I'm going to look underneath for evidence of what I thought I knew.
But there's no getting around it. I believe. Or Belief has me.
Lord, help my unbelief.