Monday, April 25, 2016

Easter 30 Buoy

As I said at the beginning of this 50 Day Discipline of Celebration, joy is not always easy for me.

Sunday afternoon, after a good morning liturgy with some great hymns to sing (I still contend singing---breathing----together is one of my greatest joys), I got home and took a nap.

For whatever reason, I woke up with the familiar feeling of uselessness. Overwhelm. It's the familiar demon, acedia. Perhaps because I'd talked about it the night before it came for a visit.

Acedia does not facilitate keeping a discipline of celebration.

But here, reader, is the reason one reads and studies. I know from my my ancient guides, the abbas and ammas of the desert, that the way you deal with acedia is with scripture, particularly psalms.

I found online recordings of old albums that, 30 years ago, made a difference to me. Musical settings of scripture----psalms, Isaiah, some other sources---that spoke of the steadfastness of God's love, redemption, presence. While the demon tried to remind me how the composer and singer of these settings probably disagreed with me on any number of theological issues, some quite personal, I also remembered, as with the sacraments, the one who distributes the sacrament is less important than the sacrament itself. The words and the music were the important thing in this moment, and so I continued to listen, sing along in the places I remembered.

In this way, I found my buoy, my flotation device as well as my navigation marker. I felt better by bedtime.

It's not always so easy. I'm thankful, for this instance, that it was relatively so.

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