Have doubts. Think about all the ways this is a huge disappointment, how it doesn't "work" or "play out" the way you expect or hope or think it should.
Make breakfast.
Remember the times you tried to leave all this mythology and superstition behind.
Water the plants.
Try to remember why you returned. Try to make sense of all the ways this has lead to more disappointment and hurt.
Pet the cat. Often. Repeat.
Forget it's a day of sadness and somber reflection and laugh at something inappropriate.
Notice the sink of dishes. Note there's time in the day to get to that later.
Forget that you want to be pious and reverent and holy.
Notice how bad your toenails look and be embarrassed about letting someone get a close look at them last Thursday.
Feel remorse for acting pious, reverent, and holy.
Play another game or 10 of spider solitaire.
Wonder how you'd be spending the weekend if you'd grown up in a Muslim family.
Eat peanut butter straight from the jar.
Try to put yourself in the place of people who have left the faith, who are not thinking about Jesus today or hardly ever, who seem to live fully functioning lives without religious services of any sort.
Notice that picture in your Facebook feed that causes you to pause and long and lust and shrug it off as you scroll on.
Reason! Science! All lack of spiritual feeling! Contemplate these and all other arguments against the faith to which you seem inextricably tied.
Be disappointed when you scroll back up and click on the link with the hot photo.
Realize that you're going to get up way early tomorrow for a service that you'd rather was happening tonight, but this is the community you've joined and so you're going to go with that flow.
Shower.
Realize that Jesus is one of the few things for which you will get up so early. (Other things have been surgeries and film shoots. Compare and contrast.)
Decide that after the shower you will go buy a dress shirt that fits so you can dress up for the Resurrected Lord.
Prepare to present yourself, full of doubt and nonsense and lust and cat hair, to the community you call the Body of the Resurrected Lord. Prepare to sing songs. Prepare to watch someone get splashed with water and wonder if they know what they're getting into.
Say a word of thanks.
Among other things.
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