In the year 1985, the prophet Joni Mitchell brought us a word from the Lord:
Sometimes change comes at you
like a broadside accident
There is chaos to the order
Random things you can't prevent
This is 2010 for me. It started with my friend's recurrence of cancer and her eventual death and will end with the day job I've had for 7 years ending. Some other, more personal things, which I won't discuss publicly, happened in between that have made me less than happy, maybe even a little depressed.
It's just been a bit of a crappy year.
Except I believe in redemption.
Change is very hard, adds unreasonable stress, creates grief. Especially the unplanned kind, like the death and job things. I mean, I have some changes in mind that I want to make in the next year or so, but on my timetable, please. Well, maybe all these other crappy changes will speed up those wanted changes. Or delay them. Hard to say. I keep saying security is a false idol, so I guess this is the proof and I get to figure out where my God really is in all this.
And God is in the redemption.
In the middle of the awful, hard, grieving things of this year, I've also had some wonderful things happen. For example, I've expanded my freelancing into places that I'm very excited about. Those are opening other doors to more work. I'm also finding people to help me with a performance piece that has been percolating for some time (see my other blog, neoNuma Arts, where I'm relating some rather euphoric forward movement). And even if God isn't in these things, God peeks out at me around corners, whispers from dark corners, gives small signs and wonders. I have to remember to remain thankful, rejoice in all things.
Funny, isn't it, that I feel the need to relate in my art-creating blog my euphoria and in my God blog my disappointments and grief. Well, both are true. In some manic-depressive way, I'm tired, a little depressed, hurting and I've got some really good things going on that give me hope for months ahead.
After all, the prophet Joni's next two lines in the above referenced song are:
There could be trouble around the corner
There could be beauty down the street
Security is an idol. Trouble and beauty, God comes along for the ride.
On my best days, I hope God is the driver.
(Joni Mitchell lyrics from "Good Friends" on her album Dog Eat Dog.)